Articles by Terrie Lynn Bittner

Laurie Campbell began living a lesbian lifestyle thirty years ago. She became aware of her attraction to women in high school and in college, began to live and accept the lifestyle. She understood that the behaviors were inappropriate—a violation of her religious beliefs. It took time, however, for her to want her spiritual life more than she wanted the relationship she was in. She ended the relationship and began rebuilding her spiritual life.

Laurie is a Mormon, the nickname sometimes used to describe members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Mormons believe there is nothing sinful about having same-sex attractions, but that people do not have to act on every feeling they have. Homosexual behaviors are sinful. A Mormon who does not live or promote a homosexual lifestyle can be a member in full standing.

She set out to help others facing her struggles. She spoke frequently and wrote a book, but generally using a pen name. She prepared to spend the rest of her life celibate, a prospect which did not concern her and which seemed more appealing than marrying a man. She obtained a master’s degree in counseling, specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy.

Campbell noted that many in her situation are told they must act on their feelings and that there is no other option. This is similar to telling an alcoholic he has no choice but to drink. Obviously, people do have choices, but those who choose not to live a gay lifestyle find it difficult to obtain support. Despite the argument given by the gay community that people have a right to live as they choose, many do not extend that right to gays who do not wish to live a gay lifestyle.

She does not work to change people who are comfortable with their lifestyle. Her goal is to help those who want to live without homosexual behavior.

Laurie Campbell had the rare but not unheard of experience of discovering she could indeed fall in love with a man. She admits he is probably the only man she could ever love, and this sentiment is commonly expressed by those who do fall in love and have a heterosexual family. Mormons believe that homosexuality will not exist in the next life and that families will continue into our heavenly lives. The families we establish today can continue forever. Since homosexual attraction will not exist in the eternities, it would be cruel to establish a family relationship and even to raise children in a family that cannot exist in the next life and in one where the attraction will melt away.

Mormons believe that God can do anything. If he wants a homosexual to establish an appropriate family relationship here on earth, He can make her have the appropriate attraction to the specific spouse He has chosen for her. However, Mormons do not today counsel people to seek marriage as a cure. Marriage should occur only if there is a true attraction between the couple. Those who do not have the opportunity to marry in this life, including those who realize they cannot properly maintain a heterosexual relationship, will have the opportunity to do so in the next.

When the Mormons approached Laurie and asked her to share her story on a planned church website being built to support homosexual Mormons, she hesitated. Her husband knew of her past, of course, but her children did not. She was about to move to a new home and she wondered how it would work to have that story be her introduction to her new church congregation. All the same, she wanted to help, knowing how little support there really was for people like her.

She talked with her children and the oldest said she was proud of her mother for having the courage to share her story. The youngest considered it unimportant. She went ahead with the project and found the team that created the video to be very sensitive to her feelings.

Laurie says she does not consider her sexuality to be her central identity. She feels people don’t realize they can choose what they consider to be their main focus of identity. She chooses her role as a child of God to be her primary identity and far more important than her sexual orientation.

She is not certain a person can completely change orientation, but she does know a person can potentially allow an attraction to the opposite gender to develop. To her, the most important thing is not whether you marry and have children in this life, but that you are willing to be whatever God asks you to be, to do whatever He asks you to do. If He asks you to remain single your entire life, then you must be prepared to do that, to turn your will to Him. If He asks you to learn to love someone of the opposite gender, you must be prepared to do that as well.

In an interview with the Deseret News, she said, “”There’s nothing homophobic or hateful about wanting to change,” Campbell said “Just as we need to reach out with sincere Christ-like love and respect to those who are gay, we also need to reach out to those who don’t want to be gay and offer love, encouragement and support.”

Read the full interview:

Joseph Walker, Woman who had lived lesbian lifestyle brings hope to Mormons with same-sex attraction through LDS Church’s new website, Deseret News

Read more about the new Mormonsandgays website

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, whose members are often nicknamed Mormons, has launched a new website to provide moral support for gay Mormons and their families. It encourages gay Mormons to stay in the church and live the gospel, and teaches families to remain loving and involved in the lives of gay family members.

The site, mormonsandgays.org, outlines official church doctrines and advice from leaders. However, it also has unscripted video discussions by homosexual Mormons (including one who is no longer a practicing member of the Church and speaks in his grandmother’s video) and by family members of homosexuals. These do not represent official doctrines, but do help people hear the honest feelings, experiences, and hopes of people who have first-hand experience with the issue.

The people who recorded their stories come from a range of experiences. Some are married to a person of the opposite sex and speak openly about how that came to be. One tried marriage, divorced, and eventually chose celibacy. Others chose celibacy from the start  unless they find themselves attracted to a person of the opposite sex someday. Mormon leaders are now taught not to encourage marriage as a “cure,” something earlier lay leaders sometimes did. Some speakers have gay children or grandchildren and discuss their feelings, what they’ve learned, and what they want from others.

The site emphasizes that the information does not represent a change in official doctrine, only a clarifying of doctrine and of the appropriate approach to the challenges faced by Mormons in this situations. The goal is to provide a form of support not available in most arenas—support for people who choose not to live a homosexual lifestyle regardless of temptations and tendencies.  Too many felt pressured by the secular world to believe they had no choice but to live that lifestyle, when in reality, we all have agency. We can choose to avoid sin.

Mormons teach that being a homosexual is not a sin. However, homosexual behaviors are. The video explains that we don’t choose who we are attracted to, but we do control our actions towards those attractions. Mormons who do not act on homosexual desires and who live the laws of chastity are members in full standing. This means there is no intimacy outside of marriage, which Mormons define as being between a man and a woman.

“Where the Church stands:

The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.” (gaysandmormons.org)

The website outlines the purpose of the site and its goals:

“This official website does not offer a comprehensive explanation of everything related to same-sex attraction, but it does reflect the feelings of Church leaders as to how we should treat each other as part of the human family. The site offers a place where the people whose lives are impacted by attraction to the same sex can find inspiration to work through difficult challenges while remaining faithful to Church teachings.

The Church’s approach to this issue stands apart from society in many ways. And that’s alright. Reasonable people can and do differ. From a public relations perspective it would be easier for the Church to simply accept homosexual behavior. That we cannot do, for God’s law is not ours to change. There is no change in the Church’s position of what is morally right. But what is changing — and what needs to change — is to help Church members respond sensitively and thoughtfully when they encounter same-sex attraction in their own families, among other Church members, or elsewhere.”

One story told in-depth is that of Ty, a church member who has spoken publicly in the past. He became aware of his lack of interest in girls in high school but didn’t pay much attention to it, since he was focused on preparing for a church mission at age nineteen. However, when he came home, he realized that none of his dates led to attraction at all. He spoke with his bishop about it and was referred to a counselor, but that didn’t help. He then began experimenting cautiously with a homosexual lifestyle, being careful not to do anything he’d really regret. However, he became aware that this was creating a loss of the influence of the Holy Ghost. He eventually had a spiritual experience in which he understood that God loved him. He decided that he needed to stop worrying about anyone else’s expectations and simply make it between him and God.

“And I was able to totally release myself from cultural expectation. Like from now on, I was doing this journey in the Church, but this was between me and God. No more pressure to get married, no more timetables, no more anything. No more programs, this or that therapy, it was me and God, taking this a day at a time. If it something works, great, if it doesn’t, great not a problem. I’m with God and that’s all that I need. But that was enough for me to be able to feel a real hope. And to feel a joy in Christ and to feel a joy in the gospel that I had lost years before. And also, the natural desire to want to have companionship. But at this point, I knew I didn’t need that more than I needed God. It was God first, that was second. It was a slow process over several years. I don’t know that I ever really started to feel a sense of changing from homosexual to heterosexual as much as I just felt like the feelings didn’t have as much, they didn’t have any control or power, they didn’t have the pull in my life that they once had.”

Mormons believe that marriage and parenthood are meant to last for eternity if certain conditions are met. This means that when we die, we can remain married and continue to be a family unit. Mormons also believe that homosexuality is only a condition in mortality. It did not exist before our births and will not exist after we die. Although Mormons oppose gay marriage, they have officially supported legislation that prohibits employment and housing discrimination against homosexuals.

For more on this website:

Joseph Walker, ‘Stay with us,’ new LDS website urges gay Mormons, Deseret News, Dec. 6 2012

Joseph Walker, Woman who had lived lesbian lifestyle brings hope to Mormons with same-sex attraction through LDS Church’s new website, Deseret News, Dec. 8 2012

New Church Website on Same-Sex Attraction Offers Love, Understanding and Hope, Newsroom, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, December 6, 2012

One of the unique challenges Mormons with same-sex attraction face is that American culture offers them no support. Society encourages them to act on their attraction while attacking those who choose not to. This contradicts their message that people have a right to do anything they want, of course, and it makes it very difficult for those who acknowledge their SSA but choose to either remain celibate or to marry someone of the opposite gender.

Mormon is a nickname for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Mormons teach that having homosexual attractions is not a sin. We all have challenges in our lives and that is human, not sinful. However, we do not have to act on every temptation or attraction that comes our way. People with alcohol cravings can choose not to drink and people with junk food cravings can choose not to eat those foods. We may not always be able to control what tempts us, but we can control how to react to those temptations. Homosexual behavior is a sin, but the desire for it is not. Those who do not act on their temptations or encourage others to act can be members in full standing.

Since this is not the message the world promotes, those who wish to live a different way struggle to find support. Some states are even outlawing support for these people and some companies remove support resources. A group called Voices of Hope is aiming to change that.

To alleviate the feeling that a person who wishes to avoid homosexual behavior is alone in the world, the group is collecting videotaped messages from people who have same-sex attraction and have chosen not to act on those temptations. They will offer personal experiences, encouragement, and proof that it is possible to choose a road not supported by the world. The messages will be made available online

The project began when a Mormon congregational leader had difficulty finding good resources to help parishioners struggling to come to terms with SSA. He contacted Ty Mansfield, who has SSA and founded an organization called North Star, for Mormons who have SSA. Mansfield has a book called “Voices of Hope” and the video project will extend the book. Some essays will also be made available online. The stories will share how people have found peace and happiness living the teachings of the gospel while having SSA.

““The goal and the hope is to help change the cultural conversation so people know there are options and it’s possible to be happy and faithful in the gospel,” said Mansfield, “and that we can actually put faces with that choice.”

Read more about the project:

“New video project seeks to promote gospel living for those with same-sex attraction,” Erin Jones, LDS Living

A group of Mormons who call themselves Mormons Building Bridges are taking a non-political stance to assist gay teenagers in Utah who are homeless find Mormon families to take them in. They are partnering with another organization, Ogden Outreach. The group is in the process of hiring a social worker and setting up best practices to make certain the needs of the teenagers are met and that the program is safe. They also hope to work with parents of gay teenagers to help them learn how to handle the discovery their child is gay.

Mormons—a nickname sometimes given to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—believe that homosexuality is not a sin, but that homosexual practices are. A homosexual who remains celibate can be a member in good standing—the same requirement made of heterosexuals who are not married.

Mormons do not take a stand on the cause of homosexuality, nor do they take a stand on whether or not treatment should be undertaken to change orientation. Their focus is on behavior only. The reason for this stance is that Mormons believe marriage and families are eternal and that in the afterlife, homosexuality will not exist. For that reason, it would be cruel to establish a relationship that will not be desirable to the couple in the eternities, nor is fair to the children to place them in a family which cannot possibly continue after death.

In an extensive interview with two Mormon leaders, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, an apostle, was asked what he would say to a son who told his parents he had same-sex attraction. Elder Oaks’ responded, “You’re my son. You will always be my son, and I’ll always be there to help you.” Mormons do not counsel parents to abandon children with same-sex attraction and in fact encourage them to support and guide their children in learning to understand and work with their special challenges. Elder Oaks noted that everyone faces challenges and temptations in life. In his continued example of what a parent might say to a child, he suggested:

“The distinction between feelings or inclinations on the one hand, and behavior on the other hand, is very clear. It’s no sin to have inclinations that if yielded to would produce behavior that would be a transgression. The sin is in yielding to temptation. Temptation is not unique. Even the Savior was tempted.

I think it’s important for you to understand that homosexuality, which you’ve spoken of, is not a noun that describes a condition. It’s an adjective that describes feelings or behavior. I encourage you, as you struggle with these challenges, not to think of yourself as a ‘something’ or ‘another,’ except that you’re a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and you’re my son, and that you’re struggling with challenges.

Everyone has some challenges they have to struggle with. You’ve described a particular kind of challenge that is very vexing. It is common in our society and it has also become politicized. But it’s only one of a host of challenges men and women have to struggle with, and I just encourage you to seek the help of the Savior to resist temptation and to refrain from behavior that would cause you to have to repent or to have your Church membership called into question.”

Read the complete interview:

Same-Gender Attraction